request

I'm sick of my room, of grading. I don't know if I have the patience and concentration to be a teacher if there are going to be many more times like this--with so many papers to grade and not so much time to do it. I feel as if I've only finished four papers in 12 hours, and maybe that's the truth. It feels sort of the same as when I've had to write 5 page papers in college on topics that hardly interested me... papers that seemed so formulaic and not very intriguing or even thought-provoking. If only I could change my personality for just a short while, so that I'd be determined for 12 more hours and could finish all of these badly-written essays and move on to more interesting things. Maybe, then, I could even manage a trip outside of Bangkok with my friend... but I've already told her that the work is going too slowly. That, as midterm grades are due on Wednesday, it's not the best weekend for an excursion. It's my fault that I keep taking breaks to write little poems or check my e-mail.

I need to learn how to surrender my free time and do the work to which I have been called. Please pray for me and this. Please pray I'd be obedient. ...and let me know if you've been here, somehow? Will you? I'm feeling a little distanced from people. Yes, I guess I am...