If this sounds extreme, it probably is.
I haven't been writing on this blog much--if you hadn't noticed. Actually, I considered deleting it a moment ago, but reconsidered when I found out that nothing would be recoverable if I did choose to delete the blog. And then I wondered if, instead of deleting, I should just choose to begin again and to discover what God wanted to do with the blog in the next phase.
Things are just changing in my life and perhaps it's just this transitionary time when I wish I could make disappear for a little while the things of the past. Not that I have any dark history that I want to conceal; I just feel sometimes like all of these words can in some ways be baggage, and this blog sometimes builds upon a desire to be the center of someone's attention. More imagined baggage, when Christ has taken the baggage upon himself. And because Christ lives in me and leads me, the story of my life and of all that I share here will have no fruit unless it demonstrates God's grace in my life.
At this point, I'm trying not to let my worries over words inhibit my speech. I'm tired of caring so much whether what I say does or doesn't sound cliche. Thank God I'm not going to an MFA program come August. Let Him teach me how to write in a clear, honest and profound way--or in whatever way will most honor Him.
I was in Ann Arbor over the weekend and went to my home church there, the Vineyard of Ann Arbor. You may have heard me refer to myself as a prayer junkie with regards to the Vineyard's prayer ministry. For almost an entire year of attending the Vineyard, a year of betrayal, confusion, depression, idolatry, etc. I recieved prayer at the "Prayer Station" any chance I could. Perhaps my faith was weak. Perhaps I felt so beat up by the time I got myself to church at the end of the week that being supported in prayer by another believer whose faith seemed strong enabled me to keep coming back to Jesus. Perhaps I knew that I could say much more to a psychologist and recieve much less in return than I could communing and sharing my burdens with those who also trusted in the mercy and strength of a perfect Lord. Whatever the case, I have benefited from being a prayer junkie at the Vineyard's prayer bar.
If you have the opportunity to go to the Vineyard, I encourage you to do whatever you can to get yourself to the prayer ministry during the last worship set in the celebrations. There are a lot of people I think who have inklings to go down to have someone pray with/for them, but for whatever reasons choose to ignore those inklings or find themselves distracted. If you can't make it there by yourself, ask someone to go with you. It's worth it.
As a believer, I know I can hear from God myself. He speaks to me in the Word, through people I meet, through songs that I hear, amidst the clanging in my head. He speaks to me personally--one of the joys of knowing Him intimately. But like many Christians, I go through periods where I know God is speaking to me and yet I am so set on being distracted in life that I just barely acknowledge God's words to me. I just barely acknowledge that He is asking me to be something other than I am, that He has called me to be set apart and to live radically for Him.
And as I confessed in a recent blog post that God has been prompting me to live more intimately with Him, I must reconfess here that I have done almost nothing in response to those promptings since. And although one of the joys of knowing Jesus is that He can speak to me directly without need of a secondary priest or mediator, I still often have the second-guessing nature, or that desire to have God confirm something that He wants to say to me through someone else's prayers. It's not unbiblical for God to do this sometimes: He gives words or messages to people which confirm or reinforce messages that He's been trying to communicate to someone else, often when we need confirmation. But when God has our attention and has communicated to us and we know it's Him, does He really need to confirm it to us through other people? Or, in my case, is my desire for God to speak to someone else on my behalf emblematic of my faithlessness in His power to speak to me and to move me to action? I guess there aren't all-time answers to these questions and truly God's desire is for us to know Him and to be obedient to Him. He'll do whatever it takes to get through to us.
This Sunday at the Vineyard, the person who prayed with me was someone who prayed with me almost three years ago when I tearfully surrendered my desire to meet other believers who would support me in my friendless state. This blog--and the people that have read it at times--testifies to God's faithfulness with that request!
But regarding Sunday's prayer time, the woman who prayed with me completely confirmed what God had been telling me: simply, to step into the life He has called me to live. This doesn't sound profound, but to anyone who knows the kind of life Jesus led and to also know that Jesus has called believers to live the same as He did--and to do even greater miracles in His name--this is a big message. "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it" (John 14:12-14, NIV). Better still, it seemed as though God were using me to confirm His own desires for this woman who was praying for me!
Yes, for all of us who have been called by God and set apart by His grace, having been created in His image, God has called us all to live and to be like Him. This will look slightly different for each of you, and each of you will know better what God means by this to you, but let this be some kind of confirmation of God's bold desire for your life.
He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:88, NIV)
If this sounds extreme, it probably is.
Things are just changing in my life and perhaps it's just this transitionary time when I wish I could make disappear for a little while the things of the past. Not that I have any dark history that I want to conceal; I just feel sometimes like all of these words can in some ways be baggage, and this blog sometimes builds upon a desire to be the center of someone's attention. More imagined baggage, when Christ has taken the baggage upon himself. And because Christ lives in me and leads me, the story of my life and of all that I share here will have no fruit unless it demonstrates God's grace in my life.
At this point, I'm trying not to let my worries over words inhibit my speech. I'm tired of caring so much whether what I say does or doesn't sound cliche. Thank God I'm not going to an MFA program come August. Let Him teach me how to write in a clear, honest and profound way--or in whatever way will most honor Him.
I was in Ann Arbor over the weekend and went to my home church there, the Vineyard of Ann Arbor. You may have heard me refer to myself as a prayer junkie with regards to the Vineyard's prayer ministry. For almost an entire year of attending the Vineyard, a year of betrayal, confusion, depression, idolatry, etc. I recieved prayer at the "Prayer Station" any chance I could. Perhaps my faith was weak. Perhaps I felt so beat up by the time I got myself to church at the end of the week that being supported in prayer by another believer whose faith seemed strong enabled me to keep coming back to Jesus. Perhaps I knew that I could say much more to a psychologist and recieve much less in return than I could communing and sharing my burdens with those who also trusted in the mercy and strength of a perfect Lord. Whatever the case, I have benefited from being a prayer junkie at the Vineyard's prayer bar.
If you have the opportunity to go to the Vineyard, I encourage you to do whatever you can to get yourself to the prayer ministry during the last worship set in the celebrations. There are a lot of people I think who have inklings to go down to have someone pray with/for them, but for whatever reasons choose to ignore those inklings or find themselves distracted. If you can't make it there by yourself, ask someone to go with you. It's worth it.
As a believer, I know I can hear from God myself. He speaks to me in the Word, through people I meet, through songs that I hear, amidst the clanging in my head. He speaks to me personally--one of the joys of knowing Him intimately. But like many Christians, I go through periods where I know God is speaking to me and yet I am so set on being distracted in life that I just barely acknowledge God's words to me. I just barely acknowledge that He is asking me to be something other than I am, that He has called me to be set apart and to live radically for Him.
And as I confessed in a recent blog post that God has been prompting me to live more intimately with Him, I must reconfess here that I have done almost nothing in response to those promptings since. And although one of the joys of knowing Jesus is that He can speak to me directly without need of a secondary priest or mediator, I still often have the second-guessing nature, or that desire to have God confirm something that He wants to say to me through someone else's prayers. It's not unbiblical for God to do this sometimes: He gives words or messages to people which confirm or reinforce messages that He's been trying to communicate to someone else, often when we need confirmation. But when God has our attention and has communicated to us and we know it's Him, does He really need to confirm it to us through other people? Or, in my case, is my desire for God to speak to someone else on my behalf emblematic of my faithlessness in His power to speak to me and to move me to action? I guess there aren't all-time answers to these questions and truly God's desire is for us to know Him and to be obedient to Him. He'll do whatever it takes to get through to us.
This Sunday at the Vineyard, the person who prayed with me was someone who prayed with me almost three years ago when I tearfully surrendered my desire to meet other believers who would support me in my friendless state. This blog--and the people that have read it at times--testifies to God's faithfulness with that request!
But regarding Sunday's prayer time, the woman who prayed with me completely confirmed what God had been telling me: simply, to step into the life He has called me to live. This doesn't sound profound, but to anyone who knows the kind of life Jesus led and to also know that Jesus has called believers to live the same as He did--and to do even greater miracles in His name--this is a big message. "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it" (John 14:12-14, NIV). Better still, it seemed as though God were using me to confirm His own desires for this woman who was praying for me!
Yes, for all of us who have been called by God and set apart by His grace, having been created in His image, God has called us all to live and to be like Him. This will look slightly different for each of you, and each of you will know better what God means by this to you, but let this be some kind of confirmation of God's bold desire for your life.
He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:88, NIV)
If this sounds extreme, it probably is.
posted by B-Go at
10:55 AM
3 Comments:
Amen, you speak a true word.
- SAG
By
Anonymous, At
3:05 PM
Hi Bethany, you are so courageously honest in your blogs. It's inspiring to read your thoughts. I shy away from saying so much of what I actually thing or I feel God has told me, but maybe that's ok for now.
I have wanted to go the prayer station, but I never have gone... Maybe next time I have that inkling, I'll actually go.
By
Amber Rae Watts, At
8:10 AM
It's so good to see updates! And this one was very encouraging. "Step into the life he has called me to live." Great reminders. Let's talk soooon.
By
Nora, At
6:29 AM
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