i shan't have frustrated them

I daresay, things will get better. I wrote a poem about ghosts last night and contemplated turning it in to my class for workshop, but decided that they might think I was a very superstitious person or something... and, you know, ghosts and souls and hearts and cries... those are all things that people try to avoid writing / talking about in the university setting nowadays.

My veins look bluer today than I think they ever have. I shocked myself looking in the mirror moments ago when I thought someone had markered blue lines all over me... I think it may have something to do with my recent diabetic emergencies. Gee, for a blog entitled "Diabetic Accessories," I certainly don't write about diabetes much. Or if I do, I'm not aware.

Supposedly, my poetry is honest. "It seems very honest," a classmate wrote on the last poem we talked about. I can't say that I believe him exactly on this last one he read, however. Most people felt intimidated by the poem to the point where they decided it couldn't be critiqued adequately by them: they felt unread as far as crazy poems like that one were concerned.

Hmmph. I feel unread. So, can that be accurately considered honest? I don't think so. Of course, the true test would be to search inside my *heart (there we go again with the heart-thing) and look at what my motives were for giving them that poem. I think they may not have been "honest" motives... unless you consider the poet writing the poem in a state of confusion and giving that mass of structured confusion to a bunch of readers in hopes of confusing them. I guess the real word is frustration. Not so much confusion as frustration. And I don't think I really did want to frustrate or confuse them, as much as I wanted to challenge their perception of poetry. I may have done that, I may not have... but I didn't want to intimidate them. It was a fun poem, I thought... This post, I feel, is rather self-indulgent. I'm sorry... perhaps I shan't post it. Shan't I? (What an archaic sounding word. Honest.)