Life gets in the way--tonight it's poetry.
I wrote the first version of this on my mirror. I can't keep myself from writing tonight...
BUT, THEN, I HAVE KNOWN YOU
Sometimes, I will
forget to screw on lids, and pills
scatter the floor, and peanuts
beneath doors, and I am
weary of picking you up,
am sick from breathing
dust off your back...
BUT, THEN, I HAVE KNOWN YOU
Sometimes, I will
forget to screw on lids, and pills
scatter the floor, and peanuts
beneath doors, and I am
weary of picking you up,
am sick from breathing
dust off your back...
Labels: poem
posted by B-Go at
11:51 PM
9 Comments:
I think it's odd that the first two lines rhyme at the end and then the rhymes begin to occur within the lines. Is there a reason?
By
Anonymous, At
10:15 AM
Is the pill also a person?
I had the picture of my friendships/relationships scattering all over the place in my unkempt life, like pills spilling from a bottle with unscrewed cap.
Both (life and medicine) have the sense of things that require fair amount of care, but have been neglected somewhat.
Am I reading it totally wrong??
By
Megumi, At
12:59 PM
no and no...the rhymes happened because they were the words/images/rhythms that i wanted... i don't suppose they mean anything special.
----
...brilliant
By
B-Go, At
2:30 PM
wait, the latter no was for the last last question... oops.
By
B-Go, At
2:31 PM
B-go;
I love the scansion and the way you carry the lines over...it reinforces the scattered-ness and is also quite catchy.
I must inquire, though, about the meaning/relation of the title.
Peace,
Taiko-ma
And also:
Being busy doesn't make one bad. Remember, true friendships understand and don't set time limits. Be well.
By
Anonymous, At
3:53 PM
Actually, yeah, I'm curious about the title too. You have known them, or you singular? Known the pills and peanuts? Your poem seems so diabetic, very you.
By
Anonymous, At
3:56 PM
i totally do not get it but at the same time, i didn't think i was supposed to "get" something. i just thought, yeah like what you said, images.
i have to confess, sometimes i read your blog, poetry, and writings and i just think boy, she is too smart/cool for me. i don't know what that is about! but sometimes i don't say anything because i really just don't have anything cool to say, and somehow when i comment on yours especially i want it to mean something or be cool. you know.
By
Anonymous, At
7:21 PM
I agree with Strunny, but thinking about wanting sound smart to you doesn't make sense because I believe you are a very accepting person.
Reading down through this month's entries today was fun and interesting.
It's good to hear that you are singing again.
Devoted reader(sag)
By
Anonymous, At
2:17 PM
Hey! Thanks for all the comments--wow. --Even after a week (plus some): you guys blow me away! P.S. Any kind of comment is appreciated--please, don't feel pressure to make anything said sound cool or anything... The reader's presence helps to give written words their existence... But, also, I often employ the "non-comment." Feel free to do that here... even as I've made statements about how I don't know people are reading when people don't comment... I was in a hard place last semester. I've been shown to be wrong again and again. Sorry for any unneccessarily negative feelings anyone has had about themselves lately.
----------
Now for other responses:
yes, You-singular... possible for the You to exist outside of the pills and peanuts?... (even in the same environment works/is still outside of the pills and peanuts)... possible for the You to be an indefinite person...
[I may feel all of these things/have to do all of these things]... "but, then, I have known you"...
there's always that.
I may change the "peanuts" to something else... I'm not sure.
also, I changed "tired of" to "sick from"... in my most recent revisions (aka: tonight).
By
B-Go, At
10:04 PM
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