seriously

yesterday (wednesday) another ajarn observed how i teach one of my classes. thankfully, i was forewarned and my class knew well enough to behave for me.

on tuesday, i cried to another ajarn about how i'm almost certain that some of my students don't understand things in class and how they refuse to speak to me--even when i call on them, they duck their heads down and avoid eye contact. they're afraid to speak--especially to a native English speaker--and i've had no idea how to remedy this problem, and how to prevent them from turning to each other to talk about matters in Thai that have nothing to do with the classroom assignments. this ajarn gave me kind advice: group work.

of course. i should have been letting them try to solve the problems together and speak as a group about their answers. i guess i haven't had much faith that these students would keep focused for very long, or long enough to solve the problems. and i'm still working on that. we played a group game today, where teams picked words from groups and gave reasons for why the words didn't belong. comparing answers and dishing out points to the groups who thought creatively about their reasons proved a much harder and more time-consuming task than i would have liked. i've been having problems managing the classes and getting any kind of response to the exercises so that we can get through the material. a double-edged sword: disciplining the students and keeping their attentions. when i do discipline, i get looks of hate or eye-rolls, which sometimes leads me to lose my cheerful spirit (usually only in part) and also which loses the (rapt--ha, ha) attention of the students who were focused.

but today (thursday), the ajarn i cried to approached me and told me that she nearly cried in front of one of her classes. when her student told her in Thai that the class was boring, this ajarn stopped and told the student to get out of the class. then, apparently, she spoke frankly in Thai to the rest of the students about her feelings and her own frustrations, weariness, etc. related to that particular class. she told me she felt like a parent; but the students listened. i don't know if it will be different in the class, but i think the honesty really counts to the students. sometimes i wonder if the students are really so inconsiderate of the teachers--that they are disruptive, come to class late and start talking to each other, distracting the rest of the students and the teacher, making the lessons drag on for much longer than is really necessary--or if speaking frankly about things with them would make them realize that their behavior is negatively affecting other people around them. i wonder how much good frankness would do.

there are some students that i don't think see the point in the class--and talking to their boyfriends on the phone is so much more important. it's not really funny, but they think it is... so funny that their teacher can't get them to complete an assignment because they're so ready to tell her that they are doing the work. in invisible ink. they are serious, teacher. yes, a wizard, teacher. so serious. serius black, to be specific. thankfully, this happened today--and not wednesday or tuesday.

oh, brother. enough complaining already.