another go

I still haven't worked out all the rough places on this draft, but here's a revision of the poem left in the last post. I was playing with it for awhile, though I'm not sure I've improved it. In fact, maybe it's worse. Let me know your thoughts, if you have any that you're willing to share... Maybe you don't agree with something that's said here?... Who knows.

(draft 2)
TERMINAL A9, Taipei

(motion)
loving leaves sorry behind

silences
black wasp squished into holes
honeycomb with seatbacks
silver and teal silicone
dumbness of weight
for sorrow and corners
inside creeping sills
concrete sky
expanses whitewash / gray glimpse
blinds
bamboo—room cylindrical ‘round this spinning
guitar whose airport
…blinks

(motion)

blinks…
airport whose guitar
spinning this round cylindrical room—bamboo
blinds
glimpse gray whitewash expanses
sky concrete
sills creeping inside
corners and sorrow for
weight of dumbness
silicone teal and silver
seatbacks with honeycomb
holes into squished wasp black
silences

behind sorry leaves loving
(motion)