germ... pantoum
Hey--sorry--
I've been MIA for a few days... and may very well remain that way for the next while. Sorry to be so vague. Life, as usual, is full of complications and problems--but it's also full of poetry!
Here's a pantoum I tried out tonight (please see below for pantoum explanation)... and if you find it trite or weak, please forgive it for the form. Also, please feel free to tell me so. I have my own qualms about rhyming and short poems; criticism (and confusion, as I always say) is welcome. Also, the title may need adjustment.
*(Now, I don't expect anyone to have memorized this form--for goodness sakes, I had to look it up.) A pantoum is a poem which repeats lines in a certain order and keeps a rhyme scheme of abab. It must be at least three quatrains in length, but can go on longer if desired... Okay, enough of the instruction. I won't go into the pattern for line-repetition. If you want to write one, look it up or follow the form of this poem.
I've been MIA for a few days... and may very well remain that way for the next while. Sorry to be so vague. Life, as usual, is full of complications and problems--but it's also full of poetry!
Here's a pantoum I tried out tonight (please see below for pantoum explanation)... and if you find it trite or weak, please forgive it for the form. Also, please feel free to tell me so. I have my own qualms about rhyming and short poems; criticism (and confusion, as I always say) is welcome. Also, the title may need adjustment.
GERM(?)
with milk dripping down
insides quicken to the brink
wide mouth up-top, puckers frown
mixed liquids glisten
wide mouth up-top, puckers frown
these sounds sicken
mixed liquids glisten
vials clink as lips sink
these sounds sicken
insides quicken to the brink
*(Now, I don't expect anyone to have memorized this form--for goodness sakes, I had to look it up.) A pantoum is a poem which repeats lines in a certain order and keeps a rhyme scheme of abab. It must be at least three quatrains in length, but can go on longer if desired... Okay, enough of the instruction. I won't go into the pattern for line-repetition. If you want to write one, look it up or follow the form of this poem.
posted by B-Go at
10:35 PM
2 Comments:
B-Go;
Glad to have you back, if even for a bit. Have faith that you will survive whatever trials you are now facing, and will be stronger for them.
As to the pantoum;
I love the form (new to me). Your lines work well with it. I don't understand the title, but after reading it through the second time, I felt 50% like I had just eaten something almost cloyingly sweet, and 50% like I had just watched something I shouldn't have (the phrase "a little dirty" springs to mind, but only with an undertone of humor and laughter). Perhaps it is the richness of your lines.
I hope that doesn't sound bad, because I really liked this one. I don't think you need to change a thing. Be well, and post again soon!
Peace,
Taiko-ma
By
Anonymous, At
12:01 AM
I can't explain why but I really like the sound of "puckers frown".
It's fun to see how you play within a structure/rule that's pretty constrictive as this one.
It sounds cliché, but sometime something really elegant or haunting can be more effectively unleashed through a seemingly limiting faucet than under no limitations at all.
By
Megumi, At
8:26 PM
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