Bothersome: knowledge vs. truth

I guess I could have been a little more explicit in my free-writing post (2 below). There was a line that proved bothersome to a reader, so I think I'll try and work it out... and see if it's still bothersome. Bothersome that I think this way, not because it doesn't make sense. (I keep writing "bothersome"... I must like that word a little.)

Anyway, the part that was... bothersome was this:

"I could end in chaos, but would still be happy
if I knew the chaos meant I learned something and stuck to the truth
that knowledge leads to disappointment ultimately."

There are some distinctions one needs to make in the reading of this. One very important separation is that of truth from knowledge. "Knowledge" here is referring to the reliance on book-knowledge, science, things that are written by men. I don't think knowledge is necessarily bad, in fact I'm quite fond of knowledge and learning... which is why "I would still be happy / if I knew...I learned something." But, there must be a difference between knowledge and truth. You can never know everything. You can never know enough, but truth? ...Now there's something.

"Truth" I think is something that God gives us complete access to. Where knowledge is endless and ultimately unsatisfying--"knowledge leads to disappointment ultimately"--truth is only a breath (a prayer) away and is unconditionally satisfying.

As much as I'd like to know everything-- or at least a lot of things--as much as I wish I could read faster and have more time and patience to spend sitting with a philosophy book or famous literature, it will never complete me. I will be disappointed in the end because I can never know enough. And I don't want to lose sight of the truth--that Jesus is all I need and all my heart longs for and he will never disappoint me.

This doesn't speak much to the "chaos" named in the poem / freewrite... but, if there are still questions about that, I'd be happy to address them.

P.S. These ideas, while something I had also thought about before, were prevalent last Thursday because of a Nietzsche essay my German class had been discussing... Knowledge was a main focus of the essay, not so much truth or chaos.