Do aliens have tongues?
It doesn't have to be brilliant, yet I feel that it does.
"I failed. / Our marriage had failed" (from Ted Hughes' "Epiphany").
I'm not failing, but I feel that I am. My teacher said she has faith in my "instincts," as she put it; and God has faith in my instincts, or in his ability to inform my instincts. I pray that he'd inform them now and that this rut would be pushed out from the ground -- and me with it. I don't know that I'm making sense here. My thoughts abound with questions about poetry and what makes a good poet and whether I can be that poet...
Again, fears about writing and about being inadequate. I'm supposed to be writing about health insurance. Maybe my fingers will think for me, or that I can be abducted for just long enough that my paper will get written by whichever alien abducts me. And that will be a brilliant paper, because any alien that can write in English is brilliant (English not being an alien's native tongue).
Do aliens even have tongues? This discussion on aliens is helping to relieve some tension, I think. Breathe. We all need to breathe.
"I failed. / Our marriage had failed" (from Ted Hughes' "Epiphany").
I'm not failing, but I feel that I am. My teacher said she has faith in my "instincts," as she put it; and God has faith in my instincts, or in his ability to inform my instincts. I pray that he'd inform them now and that this rut would be pushed out from the ground -- and me with it. I don't know that I'm making sense here. My thoughts abound with questions about poetry and what makes a good poet and whether I can be that poet...
Again, fears about writing and about being inadequate. I'm supposed to be writing about health insurance. Maybe my fingers will think for me, or that I can be abducted for just long enough that my paper will get written by whichever alien abducts me. And that will be a brilliant paper, because any alien that can write in English is brilliant (English not being an alien's native tongue).
Do aliens even have tongues? This discussion on aliens is helping to relieve some tension, I think. Breathe. We all need to breathe.
posted by B-Go at
5:42 PM
5 Comments:
sorry you're still feeling stuck in this rut--I know how that sucks (and I'm not just saying it).
If it's any comfort at all, I think that feelings of inadequacy are only good when you are trusting in God making you adequate... so you're on the right track.
Even my words of encouragement are, I think, inadequate... but I will be praying for you.
(and for the record, from what I've read, I think you're an excellent poet)
By
Nikki, At
6:41 PM
i don't have health insurance! I thought I did but nope... Sigh. life can be difficult.
By
Nora, At
11:03 AM
you crack me up!
By
strunny, At
6:57 PM
A few things that popped into my head:
"Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone."
"What God has joined, let no man put asunder."
Don't go to Ted Hughes for marital guidance/support.
Dear B-Go,
I just wrote a response to your comment on my blog, the comment where you said that God is blessing my talent and desires. When I read that line of yours, I keyed in on desire, the blessing of desire. I also thought about the bestowing of desire.
It seems like your teacher was saying a lot when she referred to your "instincts." Instincts are innate, natural, breath-driven. They are created, embedded, bestowed. That you have instincts about poetry--that something of you is joined to this art form. You say God has faith in your instincts--to me, this seems to say that God also recognizes you as a poet.
Of course, what exactly is a poet? Are there multiple forms? And what form should your life take? To what kind of poetry does your desire lead you? Good questions... frightening/wonderful to explore. But asking these questions does not mean that you are not a poet, that God has not called you to poetry. Rather, they are questions every poet asks and must ask. If anything, they're confirmation, not negation.
Something I'm working on: I'm beginning to think that fears about writing are part of the deal--that instead of signifying that you shouldn't write, they actually suggest that perhaps you should write. I only get freaked out by/for/over things that I care about--and the more deeply I care the larger the freak-out potential. The crux of everything is to learn how to pursue what you love despite the fear (and yes, how in hell you do that, I have no idea. but that is the crux indeed).
Haha... I'm afraid I went into lecture mode. I have a bad feeling that I do this a lot when talking about writing. But honestly, I do identify so much with what you're expressing; I guess I'm responding by telling a little of how I attempt to work through similar problems.
I would love to read a paper about American health insurance written by an alien (and written in the alien's 2nd, or 3rd, or 349957723th language no less). I think the alien might have quite a bit of insight. Maybe our current health insurance system is an alien import anyway, and we just don't know it yet. That would explain a lot.
By
Emily, At
8:33 AM
Meg,
Thank you so much for your comments. I printed them off and will probably paste them somewhere in my journal -- they were very encouraging. The lines you included at the top, as well as what you wrote about "instincts," somehow made me look at my relationship with / my inclination toward poetry as some sort of union--a kind of marriage that I'm still trying to figure out. That idea had never occurred to me before, but it's something I'll be thinking about for awhile... and I do believe that God has been involved in this relationship (mine with poetry -- and yours too, with writing)...
I think that much of my insecurities and fears have been about confirming things for me--at least confirming that I'm on the right track and that my desires have not been displeasing to God.
When you said that you're "beginning to think that fears about writing are part of the deal--that instead of signifying that you shouldn't write, they actually suggest that perhaps you should write," that reminded me of something that my writing teacher from freshman year said--about how the things that you care about the most are usually the hardest--just as you said yourself. Remembering this is always reassuring to me, it's another sort of confirmation. ...Jesus didn't say that following him would be easy--although his "yoke is easy and his burden is light"--I want to believe that if writing for God and with what God has given us is part of following him in the way that he designed us to, then it should be both challenging, but fulfilling (not of itself, but because of God's strength and love manifested in us).
I don't know if any of that made sense--maybe it came out badly. I really have appreciated your comments and your encouragement--I'm grateful for you.
By
B-Go, At
9:37 AM
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home